well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Michael Bay diarrhea
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
