Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We left an ass print on the piano.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
