And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize