the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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