jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
