sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
