I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
FUCK WHALES
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize