I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Cover your peen. We're going out.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize