I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
