exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
