What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
