you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
what the fuck happened to the tacos
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
