this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
