out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
