We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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