The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
