So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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