hell yes lets make some ravioli
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
