you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
