What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
