Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize