Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
nutella sex= disaster
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
