jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
