I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
