her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
