My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
