I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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