So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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