It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
