GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
