alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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