im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
