I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
