The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
