I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
