I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Randomize
