then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
