She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
