i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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