I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
