MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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