So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
