so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
