I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
