I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
