how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
