You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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