just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
