My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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