Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
