Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show

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(708): View more from Illinois

You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.

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(786): View more from Florida

All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"

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(765): View more from Indiana

I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?

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(678): View more from Georgia

It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.

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(440): View more from Ohio

So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books

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