Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
