A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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