Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it's like iHOP with fire
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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