I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You are a genius and a whore.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
