Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
