i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
