he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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