Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she looked like the before picture.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
