even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
