I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
