70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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