I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
