wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
