sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
