She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
