we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
