....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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