Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

you guys were way drunker than both of me

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(812): View more from Indiana

Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.

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(914): View more from New York

yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans

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(219): View more from Indiana

He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?

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(314): View more from Missouri

i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night

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