ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
